Another one about growing up

by Ralkkai

In the millions of light years

that we have drifted from one another —

I still remember the summers and the autumns;

 

You Indiana

trees and old houses

with painted wooden siding.

 

Me Big Texas,

dirt in my teeth, grinding my dialect

to a fine drawl.

 

I’m tearing up after listening

to a response

to a suicide note on the internet

 

and realized

 

that I never wrote my own response,

to you, my Innocence.

 

I wrote about you several times,

sharing with the world, what you used to be

but when you passed away, and the world turned dark, I moved on

 

I just moved on.

 

I’m 30 years old now

and a million light years or 1500 miles makes no difference.

 

I still warped time and space

to make you seem more or less than you were

to fit my fake sense of

depression, addiction, and my distorted sense of obsession

for the darkness.

 

The darkness that was never really there.

 

You were never pills.

You were never alcohol.

You were never thoughts of my own death.

 

My innocence died and I grew up,

had false starts, recovered and continued on.

 

I left you in the basement, in Indiana

 

…and never looked back.

 

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